My Journey, Part III...

(This is the third of four parts of my journey over the last two years that I shared last week at my friend's church...click here to read them all...)

The next group of five began testing around this time, and we began counseling and working through all the mess I had made. I won’t lie…it hasn’t been easy, but it’s been really good. Over those next few months, we found as we rebuilt our relationship God’s way, we grew closer and had a deeper relationship than we ever had before. God continued to work in my heart to change me, and more than ever, I wanted to love my wife as Jesus loves us. I felt like I was on my way to becoming who He always wanted me to be…and the next donor was taken out early in the testing process. Instead of spiraling down into depression as I did before and allowing the enemy to take over, I instead looked at it as a positive, that I got more time to grow and learn before my transplant. Those 12 hours a week in dialysis got used not as much to play with my electronics and watch TV, but in study and prayer. Around the end of October we got word that prospective donor #6 was up for testing….and lo and behold, it was Shelley, the same one who had told me over a year ago that God had told her she would be my match. She was still confident of this…but I wasn’t. I had prepared myself for each donor now that they wouldn’t work out so I wouldn’t be so disappointed when they didn’t. I got a call right before Thanksgiving from her telling me that she had passed all the tests except one, and that a passing grade on a re-test would mean she would be my donor!

We were really excited about this…but little did we know that the “little” test and some other issues would take almost 6 more months to work out. Again, my patience isn’t very good to begin with…but God kept teaching me along the way, reminding me that He had brought me this far in the last months, and that He would carry me the rest of the way. Little did I know that God was using all of this time to re-shape how I saw him. Again, the words of Mark Hall from his book, “Your Own Jesus” ring true:

The god we want shows up in comfortable non-verses that we assume are in the Bible but really aren't. God helps those who help themselves. God blesses the rich so they can bless others. God wont' give you anything you can't handle. These "verses" describe the god we wish we had, rather than the God who is.
What will the real God do? He'll put us out in the middle of a sea and tell us to walk on it. He'll place us before a giant with a rock and a sling. He'll allow a tornado or cancer or a heart attack or a foreclosure or a job loss or a death to come our way. He will give us more than we can handle just just show us that only He can handle things.

Ouch….and Amen. Now I’m not saying God made me sick or wanted me to make those bad decisions…no way. What I am saying is that God still loves me in spite of all that, and has chosen to use the mess I made for His glory. You see, I had to finally get to a point where I could admit to God that I couldn’t do it myself. I was great at telling God that everything was His…but that I’d take care of most of my stuff because I know He’s busy. I wasn’t helping Him…I was instead not giving it all to Him and not trusting Him for the best way to live. I had to get so far down in my pit that I couldn’t see any light at all, and cry out “God! I can’t do this! I need your help!! WHERE ARE YOU?!” only to hear a quiet whisper from over my shoulder saying this: “I’m right here, Rob….where I’ve been all along. I have never moved…you’ve been running from me. My arms are still open wide…so let me carry you.” I finally gave it ALL up to Him…and He did things I never thought possible.

Those extra six months after she matched with me allowed so much more growth in me and in my relationship with my wife and my family. At the end of February, I finally got the call I had been waiting for. The transplant would take place on April 6th. The long journey will come to an end. Shelley was right after all…it was her, and God confirmed that to her almost two years before. He confirmed it to me as well…I just chose not to believe it then. Shelley’s attitude through all of this amazed me. Her conviction and willingness to follow through on God’s plan for her knowing that it would be a long hard road to recovery blew me away. She was willing to go from the picture of health to months of anemia and pain while her body adjusted to life with one kidney and as she healed for me. Just like Christ did on the cross, Shelley gave literally of herself to save my life. Her gift gave my body a new life, free from the machines that were in control of my health, and allowed me to experience a freedom I had lost. I will never be able to fully express my thanks to her and her family for this…and for the unconditional love they have shown us throughout this journey.

So, as you can see, I’m feeling pretty good now. My checkups show the kidney we jokingly call “Lil’ Shelley” is working perfectly. My weekly set of tests show my body is back to normal levels on just about everything, and the incision is healing nicely. I do feel like a new man…not just with the kidney, but with all God had done for me and in me these past few years.

(The final wrap-up tomorrow...)