The Latest On Me and My Kidneys...

Well, time for another update for those of you following along at home....

I received the news today that my second prospective donor was not passed by the transplant board. She is fine, there are just some things that could present problems down the line for both of us, and the risks just aren't worth the reward. No matter who donates to me, I don't ever want them to put their life, now or future, in any sort of peril just to help me. I don't think I could live with myself if my donor had kidney failure and I had their "good" one.

Am I disappointed? Sure, like anyone in my situation, I was started to look forward and plan for the days after my transplant, but that is not to be for now. God's will here didn't match up with mine, and I know there's a plan in this for me, even though I can't see it at the moment. A little perspective helps, too. I'm so grateful to have a long list of potential donors to work through when so many I know from the dialysis center don't have anyone. I'm thankful for dialysis to be able to clean my blood while I'm waiting, instead of just getting sicker and eventually dying. I'm blessed to be surrounded by so many that care for and love me and that have supported me through this journey so far. All that happened today was that some time was just added to this frame of my life. From start to finish, the process seems to take about 3 months, so if things get started right away, we may know something by the end of May. I'll also be setting up a surgery to have a fistula put into my arm, eliminating the permanent catheter in my neck that has caused so many problems and infections to this point.

Thanks to all of you that have been praying, given me words of encouragement, sent notes or emails, and all the rest...you have no idea how much of a difference you have made in my life.

Seriously?!

(Courtesy of the boys at Deadspin...)

Cavs To Set World Record For Sissiest World Record

An anticipated sellout crowd of 20,562 fans will receive a complimentary limited edition Cleveland Cavaliers Snuggie™ blanket courtesy of KeyBank that will be conveniently draped over every seat in the arena. Fans will be asked to wear their Snuggie™ blanket for the first five minutes of the game. In attendance will be Guinness World Records® Adjudicator Danny Girton who will then officially certify the new record. Once the record is achieved, every fan will receive a commemorative magnet certificate that will acknowledge they are a Guinness World Record holder.

There are a handful of down-on-their-luck teams chomping at the bit to sign LeBron James. He'd be the only attraction they'd need to sell tickets. Meanwhile, Cleveland is attempting to break the Guinness World Record for most Snuggies.

You know the Snuggie, right? It's a blanket with sleeves, so you can relax in ease and comfort while you watch the last remaining shreds of your masculinity slip away.

The official record being set is "largest gathering of people wearing fleece blankets." So they don't have to be Snuggies, but the Cavs want to humiliate you anyway.

Judging from the picture above, even millonaire NBA players can't rock a Snuggie, and I'm guessing LeBron gave them a big fat "NO" when they asked him to pose in that mess. I would so love to mock this further as I've got a long history of beating down the Snuggie....but I tried one on my parents have the other day and it was toasty warm and comfy....but I still felt like an idiot, and am sure I could never been seen by another person while wearing one.

And as a bonus...here's a very clever sign seen after the US beat Canada in Olympic hockey the other night...



That is all...now back to your regularly scheduled internet surfing...

Can You Lose Hope Without Losing Faith?

This post kind of started with a conversation we had in my Sunday School class a few weeks ago. This question was asked: "Can you lose hope, but still have faith?" I must admit, it's been on my mind quite a bit since then. I've walked through a very dark time with a good friend of mine, and with my current health condition, it's a question, if I'm honest, that I've asked myself in the quiet of my time with God.

Here's the definition of hope from the dictionary: 1.)to desire with expectation of obtainment and 2.)to expect with confidence. Now, here's the definition of faith: : (1)firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2)complete trust
and (3)something that is believed especially with strong conviction. Ok, let's unpack that...

I think most Christians would say if we have faith, we have hope...and probably some would say it we have hope, then we must have faith in something....but is that true? If you look at the book of Job, we all know the story...a man who has everything, but God allows Satan to take it all from him: his wealth, his family, his health. Everyone tells him to turn his back on God, that all is lost. To me, those people, including his wife, lost their faith. But if you read Job's replies, I see that he reacts differently. Now, don't get me wrong...Job is very sad and upset....and if you read some of the verses below, it sounds like a man who's lost his hope...

The arrows of God Almighty are in me,
poison arrows—and I’m poisoned all through!
God has dumped the whole works on me.(Job 6:4)

Let God step on me—squash me like a bug,
and be done with me for good.

I’d at least have the satisfaction
of not having blasphemed the Holy God,
before being pressed past the limits.

Where’s the strength to keep my hopes up?
What future do I have to keep me going? (Job 6:9-11)

It sure sounds like a guy who's lost his hope to me. Keep in mind that his three friends and his wife spend nearly this entire book telling what a fool he is to keep his faith and to continue to follow and worship God. Job's faith, though, never wavers...and this particular passage is a great example of that:

“I travel East looking for him—I find no one; then West, but not a trace;I go North, but he’s hidden his tracks; then South, but not even a glimpse.

“But he knows where I am and what I’ve done. He can cross-examine me all he wants, and I’ll pass the test with honors. I’ve followed him closely, my feet in his footprints,not once swerving from his way. I’ve obeyed every word he’s spoken,
and not just obeyed his advice—I’ve treasured it.

“But he is singular and sovereign. Who can argue with him? He does what he wants, when he wants to. He’ll complete in detail what he’s decided about me, and whatever else he determines to do."

(Job 23:8-14, MSG)

Now, that's faith....from a man who had lost everything we hold dear and seemed to have no hope. He couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel...probably wasn't even sure there was one. He wished and hoped to die so that all of the pain, both physically and emotionally, would end...but he never lost his faith, he continued to follow Him, and would not waver it that. That's an amazing example to me.

See, many doubters of this story and the Bible will say, "Well, God gave him back twice as much as he had before!" Yes, but that still doesn't replace all he lost, especially his children. That still hurt and, I'm sure, always would. But I believe the faith Job showed in the midst of that trial, when he had lost all hope, honored God, and that Job would have continued honoring him even if his conditions never changed.

So, to bring it home, I think you can lose your hope without losing your faith. We all have dark times of depression and despair when we think that things, problems, or circumstances are impossible and we feel like we are drowning and can't find our way back to the surface...but having faith that there is a plan and someone in control who loves us more than we can fathom or understand? I don't know about you...but some days, that's all that gets me through. With my kidney failure, I have to go to dialysis treatments three times a week. I see alot of people who have lost all hope of ever getting better. Somedays, in that chair hooked up to the machine, I feel that way, too...that a match for transplant won't ever come...or that it will fail...and I will need this machine to live. Believe me, I can get as hopeless as anyone...but I've never lost my faith. I believe that God allowed this to happen to me for a reason, and I've seen some of that already...but mostly I still don't know why...but that's OK. I trust Him. That's faith to me....trusting Him even though I don't understand.

Faith. It's like when my daughter jumps off the couch into my arms. She doesn't understand the laws of motion, the forces of gravity, the amount of strength I have, and my relative position to her...she jumps, having faith that I will catch her, because I always do. That's the same kind of faith I have in God, even when I don't get where He's taking me at all.

I don't know if anyone out there reading this has ever felt this way...sometimes, these are just for me....but if you have lost your hope, hang on to your faith...it'll get you through.

"We Are The World"....

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’

(Matthew 25:37-40, NIV)

Today started out like most Mondays....dragged myself out of bed, showered, ate breakfast, and headed into work. As I was printing off spreadsheets, I decided to catch up on my blog reader. As I did, I came across the following video on Ben Arment's blog. It's an acoustic amateur remake of the famous charity song, "We Are The World". As I listened to it, once the memories of the original faded, I really started listening to the lyrics, and it moved me. Take a listen:



What hit me was this line: "We can't go on...pretending day by day, that soon someone, somewhere will make a change...we are all a part of God's great big family...and the truth is that love is all we need." That's pretty powerful stuff when you think about it. Sometimes, when I see devastation, death, and tragedy all around the world, I feel pretty helpless...I wonder what if what I do make a difference to anyone at all. It's just easy to get caught up and overwhelmed by all the need that we see on a daily basis and think that no matter what we do, it will never be enough, that I will always fall short of what I could and should be.

Though that statement is probably quite true...as I listened I thought of many people just in my own little circle that make a difference. As you travel down the side of my blog, you can see many people being God's hands and feet. From pros like Anne Jackson feeding the hungry and helping the sick in Haiti and Jon Acuff raising funds to build schools in Vietnam, to friends like Katie, who's adopted 14 orphan girls and given them a home, to a young Bennett boy collecting change from his neighbors to help bring hope to people a world away, I'm blown away by those stepping way outside their comfort zones to be "Jesus with skin on" to those that desparately need it...but as I looked, I'm also struck by those willing to do it right here at home. From Sarah sharing her struggles and her hope from coping with the loss of her little girl, to Becky's ministry to the disabled and their families, to pastors that lead us every day like Denny or Derry, I'm surrounded by so many doing so much for the advancement of God's love, acceptance, and forgiveness, and that blesses me deeply.

Sometimes I wonder if God can use me....all I do is write a little, teach some elementary age kids on Wednesdays, and try to be open to His lead...but from all these examples around me, God can use us as long as we're willing, and we may not ever notice it. We may see a miraclous work of God today, or we may just be planting seeds that won't be ready for harvest for years...but we can all make a difference. All it takes is saying this: "Here am I....use me." Simple, yet powerful words.

I love the last line of the song: "It's true...we can make a better day, just you and me." Here's hoping we make it a better day for someone today.