Sheesh....6 weeks since my last post?! I don't think I've ever gone that long before between posts....but for those couple still hanging around to read this blog, here's the latest on me, and why I've been so quiet...
Candidate #3 for transplant was just told they were not a match for me late last week. It's always a little discouraging to hear that it's a mismatch and know it's at least another three months before I have the chance to match again, but a little perspective makes all the difference.
See, when others just see me walking into the dialysis clinic, I see myself WALKING in, not in a wheelchair with no strength, and not missing a limb or two, as some patients are. When others see time stretch out after a mismatch, I see a long list of those who have blessed me by being willing to try to match, when so many have no one willing to stand in that gap for them. When I was in the hospital, I was told by the nurses that someone in end stage renal failure shouldn't look as healthy as I do...in fact, a few thought I was a visitor!
Sure, I have my moments, but I try to live by one of my favorite quotes by Lou Holtz: "Nothing is ever as good as it seems, nothing is ever as bad as it seems, but somewhere in the middle, reality falls." Right now, this is my reality and I am determined to make the best of it and use it for His glory as best I can. As far as transplant goes, there are 5 people in each group in order. I've been through 3, and a fourth donated to his cousin in Florida, and both are doing very well! I don't know who the 5th one is, as it's their choice to tell me or not, but I'm assuming they will get a call soon to being donor testing, with results hopefully by August.
As far as the quiet, I've kinda tapered as this year has gone on. I still love writing, but I was honestly getting too wrapped up in how many hits I was getting, and really felt pressure, from myself, to post every day and make it interesting every day...if it wasn't, I'd be really hard on myself and spend way too much time obsessing about what I needed to write to make it better. This was completely the opposite reason I started this blog. It's intent was to be an outlet for me to write creatively about things I loved or felt passionate about....but it had become a daily column I felt compelled to continue.
As hard as it was to do, and as much as I miss all your kind and encourging comments, I knew I needed to just step away and only write when I really wanted to. Be it a day, a week, or a few months, I want this to be me again, not what I think my readers wanted me to be. So, if you made it this far, kudos to me and thanks for sticking with me....and don't worry....I'll be back!
