Don't Put It Off...

And me? I’m a mess. I’m nothing and have nothing:
make something of me.
You can do it; you’ve got what it takes—
but God, don’t put it off.

(Psalms 40:17, MSG)

You've gotta love David.

As I walk through the Bible this year, I've been touched more than ever before by the Psalms. It's probably the season of life I'm in...but the words of David and the others who helped write this book are pretty amazing. I used to think Psalms was basically a book of poems...but in reality, it's a book of letters to God, very personal and emotional conversations with the Creator. It's very freeing to me to see that someone we hold on as high a spiritual pedestal as David had days when he was overwhelmed...when he was broken....when he was angry at God's timing...when he felt unprotected...and when he was overcome by great joy. It's just a guy talking to his Father...and it's really been hitting home to my heart.

Take the verse above, for instance. I can identify with Dave. I know I'm a mess. I'm nothing on my own. I want God to make something He can use and be proud of out of me. I know He can do it...but, like David said, I'm pleading that He doesn't "put it off". I want things to happen...but I want them in my timing, which is normally right now.

That's really been the crux of what I've been learning from Him lately. That His time is not my time, and His plan isn't always the way I would do things...but in the end, if I'm obedient, it works out just perfectly. It's easy for me to lose trust in Him when I see situations that aren't where I'd like them to be...but I'm doing my best to leave those in His almighty hands, and to trust that His will may be done in His time. It's really hard for me, a born fixer...but God wants all of me, not just the parts I want to give Him. He wants the parts I hold so tightly to, like control, and He wants them the most. Not to make things harder on me...but to show that I really do trust Him, and my words aren't just hollow praise.

Is it easy? Just let me say I pray prayers similiar to the verse above ALL the time. I'm a work in progress...I'm not who I was, but I'm still far from who I want to be...but it's good to know I have a God that I can be honest with, and that He'll love me no matter what, like any good parent should.

Here's hoping I keep making time to talk honestly to Him each day.

Wrecked...

Though I always enjoy the worship portion of the my church's Sunday morning services, I've got to admit, I often react in different ways. Sometimes, I just kind of robotically sing along, detached from the words, basically going through the motions. Other times, I do pay attention, get into the lyrics, and really spend that time praising God. Sometimes, though, God uses the music and the words to just stop me in my tracks, wreck me to get my attention, and to talk to me.

This morning, worship just wrecked me...and that's a good thing.

Jessica led worship for the first time in the sanctuary at NMC, and she knocked it out of the park. Not only did she do an amazing job of singing and playing her guitar, but the song list she chose spoke to me in a very real way this morning.

She started with "Blessed Be Your Name"...a song I wrote a whole post about here. I love these lyrics, and today they hit me hard:

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

The last six or seven months have been a whirlwind of emotions....heart-wrenching lows and breath-taking highs...but I wouldn't catergorize much of it as easy. It's been a hard and winding road...but God has seen me through it all. As I sang it, it was like God put his arm around my shoulder and just reminded me: "Rob, I know it hasn't been easy on you...but just remember, I'm still here with you through it all...keep trusting in and folowing Me and you'll be OK."

After that song, Jess transitioned into "You Are God Alone" by Phillips, Craig, and Dean. After sending me the message that He was with me, He knew I needed to hear that He was in control, no matter how out of control things seem to be at times...and that He is much bigger than anything I'm facing, and He told me this in these lyrics:

You are not a God
Created by human hands
You are not a God
Dependant on any mortal man
You are not a God
In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that's just the way it is

You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

Now, that's two songs with "good times and bad" themes to them. God knows it's much easier for me to praise Him in the time of blessings than to choose to praise Him in the midst of life's storms...and I need times like what I had today to remember all the times He's pulled me through things I knew I couldn't make it through on my own.

She ended the set with "Revelation Song" by Jennie Riddle, popularized by Kari Jobe and Gateway Worship. Here's part of this amazing song:

Filled with wonder,
Awestruck wonder
At the mention of Your Name
Jesus, Your Name is Power
Breath, and Living Water
Such a marvelous mystery

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come,
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And – I - will - adore You!

As I sang that song, the emotion of the moment finally overcame me, and tears started to fill my eyes. He is a "marvelous mystery", and I don't claim to even come close to figuring Him out...but I realized, again, today that I don't need to. I'm not God...He is, and that's enough for me. I will chose to praise Him for what He's done for me...which is amazing in itself...and I will trust Him with my future.

So, I'm thankful that God used Jessica to wreck me today...and thankful that He loves me enough to keep pounding His truth through this thick skull of mine.

Here's hoping He wrecks you sometimes, too...

My Thoughts On "Idol"...

As I look back down my blog...it's been pretty serious as of late. Time to lighten it up a little bit.

I've watched "American Idol" for most of its 10 seasons. Usually, I'm in deep for the first auditions, mostly to watch the trainwrecks. It just makes me giggle to think that some of the folks that sing so poorly think that they are really good...or they know how bad they are and just want to be on TV. I used to love the honest, and harsh, criticism of Simon Cowell, and knowing that he had departed from the show, I really didn't plan to watch this season. Also, the quality of the singing seems to have gone down the last few years. From Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood to Lee DeWyze and Crystal Bowersox...that's a big dropoff, my friends. To top it all off, they added Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler to the judges' table...making me think that it would be just 3 Randy Jacksons now with nothing to say.

I have to admit...I was wrong. Steven and J-Lo didn't hesitate to critize when merited...they weren't mean like Simon for the most part...but honest, which was good. They were funnier and more quick-witted than I had thought...able to go from silly banter to business on the fly...and the show seems to flow really well.

What's really grabbed me this season are the stories of the contestants. "Idol" does a great job of pulling you into their lives and giving you people to root for. Chris Medina's story of standing by the girl he loves after a terrible accident has taken much of her mind. His determination to stay with and care for her moved me. James Durbin's struggle to overcome Asperger's and Tourette's syndromes and his drive to provide for his family touched me as well...but what really poked my heart was JC Badeaux.

JC is a pudgy little 15 year old kid with a great voice and an even greater attitude. He surprised the judges with his great audition, and made it through the first few cuts at Hollywood. Then "Group Day" came and he spent the day in with a group, working hard to play his part. Around 1 am, they decided to cut him loose, leaving him to find a new group or be eliminated. The kid took it as graciously as he could, saying and doing all the right things...but then they cut to him with his parents, and you could just see him trying to hold it together, afraid that if his pasted on smile cracked, that he would also. In that moment, I saw a part of myself in JC...as well as thinking of my tender-hearted son. It even made me tear up a little. (And before you start, Todd...shaddup.) JC did find another group, and made it through to the next round.

I don't know who will will this year...but I'm rooting for my boy JC, and I'll admit, after being wary of them, I like the changes, and I'm in for the season.

No deep thoughts to end the day today...have a great weekend!

Greatest Hits: Ode To A Friend...

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, I got to know Jeff Lengacher. I had known of him for years...his brothers were stars for my high school football team, one even dated the sister of my best friend growing up. I knew who he was from school, as he was just a year ahead of me, and we played football together...but I didn't really get to know Jeff until the fall after he graduated. His girlfriend, Lisa, was rooming with my girlfriend at the time at Taylor University, so we shared many a Sunday drive down to see them. On those trips, I got to know Jeff. The quiet, serious guy I thought I knew wasn't that at all. Jeff had a quick wit and the ability to make me laugh, and a softer side he really didn't want you to see. I had alot of fun on those trips...but I broke up with my girl, he married his, and life just took us apart for a while.

Years later, Jeff and Lisa ended up at the church I attended. Not ones to sit on the sidelines, they started a ministry for 5th and 6th graders that quickly grew from 5 to about 30 in a couple of years. Jeff asked me to consider joining them in this area. I didn't want to..but said I'd pray about it, planning to tell him "no" in a week. During that week, God laid it on my heart to join with him, and it was one of the most rewarding experiences of service in my life. Jeff had a dream to provide an after school program for latch-key kids...something he and Lisa were doing already in their home. After a year of planning, The Compass opened its doors to reach and love some lonely children in our area. It was a beautiful thing...and Jeff asked me to partner in this, too. Things were wonderful...but it was all about to change.

On Monday, October 6th, 2008, Jeff's wife, Lisa, unexpectedly went home to be with Jesus. It shattered not only Jeff and his two girls, but his family, his church, and his community. Her viewing had visitors numbering in the thousands, a testament to the legacy those two had already left. My wife and I took over The Compass for him while he grieved, and I found another ministry that squeezed my heart, again courtesy of Jeff. I served on the board alongside of him, and a few months later, while talking about some business items for there, we ended up eating lunch and just talking about her, life, God, and many other things. As we went to leave, I felt God telling me to ask Jeff if he'd like to meet once a month to talk some more. His answer? "How about once a week?" We laughed...but we started meeting once a week, building a whole new friendship and relationship, mostly with me listening and helping Jeff to work through this new phase of his life. Some weeks it was heavy...and some just a lot of laughing...but it was always one of the high points of my week. Jeff showed me alot during that time...how to grieve, how he loved so completely, and finally how to let go. His strength during all of this amazed me...and I was glad God let me be a part of it...but little did I know that God was just getting started.

On August 23rd, 2010, my life turned upside down. Not due to a death, but to my own choices and mistakes. I felt torn up, turned inside out, broken, and worthless. Many I thought would surround and support fell away for reasons I don't quite understand even today. It was a lonely, isolating time for me...but there were a few that really came through for me in this time. When I called to share with Jeff what I had done, he didn't criticize or walk away...instead, he turned the tables around. Instead of me helping him, Jeff helped me. At first, we just met like nothing happened...which I sorely needed in those first days just to retain some shred of normalcy. Then he asked me to join him in a Bible study instead of just eating and talking. That study, "Bondage Breakers" by Neil Anderson, changed my life. It broke through the walls of my heart, and helped me find the road back to God I'd lost long before. As we walked through this study, we were able to honestly share our struggles, our failures, our successes, and our progress. We shared prayer requests that no one else heard...and we knew the other would pray for them. He was in my corner, hating my sin but loving me, the sinner. He became a support to our whole family...and I don't know what I would've been like without that support.

We still meet every Saturday morning, study God's word, pray, and just share our lives. I thought for a long time God put me in Jeff's life for a reason...but over the last months, I realized God put Jeff in mine for such a time as this. God's timing, though not seen by me, was perfect. They say character, true character, only comes out when we are squeezed. I've seen Jeff squeezed harder by life than almost anyone I know...and I'm still amazed at his character, his love for God, and his drive to live in a way that honors Him. I'm proud to call him a friend...and I wanted to say thanks for being a great friend to me, even when I didn't deserve it. I'm proud of you. Your family is proud of you. Your girls are proud of you...and Lisa, I guarantee, is so proud of you as well.

Thanks for everything, Jeff...and I look forward to many more Saturday mornings with you.

(This is the latest installment of my "Greatest Hits"...just times or people that have impacted me for the better...if you want to read them all, click here.)

Deeply Moved...

A leper came to him, begging on his knees, “If you want to, you can cleanse me.” Deeply moved, Jesus put out his hand, touched him, and said, “I want to. Be clean.”

(Mark 1:40-41, MSG)

We don't often give Jesus credit for being fully human in addition to being fully God....and when we do, it's often for emotions like anger at the vendors in the temple, or frustration with the thick-headedness of the Pharisees. But as I walk through the Gospels again this time, I'm particularly touched by the instances where Jesus is moved...whether by sadness, compassion, or just knowing what is ahead, and doing what He has been called to do anyway. I know I often forget that Jesus, like you and I, had moments of great joy, times of overwhelming sadness, and spent nights praying to God as His heart was breaking.

He didn't have to do that, you know.

He chose to come to earth not only to be the sacrifice for our sins and to redeem us and bring us back to relationship with Him, but so He could say this:

"I know how you feel. I know how much it hurts. I know that sometimes you don't think anyone cares, and it's incredibly lonely. I know the joy that fills your heart when something good happens. I know the gut-wrenching anticipation of waiting for an answer. I know what it feels like to be on top...and I know what it feels like to have everyone against you. I know how you feel...and I'm right here with you."

That's what I'm taking away from this walk through the Bible...that God chose to become flesh so that I would know that there's nothing I'm feeling that He hasn't felt, and that no matter how incredible the obstacles and odds seem, that He has been there, and come through it sinless and perfect.

I know I'm not perfect...but it's good to know He is, and that He loves me despite the failings of my past, and that He'll continue to walk with me the rest of my journey.

That deeply moves me.

Some Link Love...

If you haven't ever checked on the links on the right side of my page, be sure to do so...if you can sit and read through this drivel, then you'll really appreciate some good writing, and here's a few not to miss:

Nic's so talented in just about everything, it makes me jealous. I love looking at the pictures she posts...she's got such a great eye. Yesterday, she posted an answer to the question, "What are you being brave about?" Her simple, yet profound answer can be found here.

Derry is so often inspiring to me, even when he doesn't mean to me. He's one of those guys who just makes you want to be a better man by just watching how he does things. Derry posted on the 2nd anniversary of the homegoing of his dad. Most impactful quote in the piece: "I rejoice that it hurt so much to lose a Dad, because he had done so little to hurt me while alive." Read the whole thing here.

Maggie is always straight from the heart. Her posts feel often like pages from my own heart's diary. I love her transparency, and feel that she has a gift that not only should be read by more people, but published, too. You need to click here to read her love letter to God entitled "This Life-A Love Song". She's amazing.

Dan's posts are all over the gamut, and I like that. A few days ago he posted on a game he's gotten hooked on lately. On that recommendation, I went and got it, and my family loves it! We are looking forward to sharing it with our friends tonight...so if you want to know what it is....click here.

Finally, some link love for my good friend and former pastor, Denny. He's had a great series going called "A Love Story". It's the story of him and his wife, how they came to be, have grown, and continue to live. It's a beautiful story of what love is and can be, with all its ups and downs. It's really worth a read...and I think it's up to at least 12 posts already! He also shared about a message he did recently on bondage which is something we all need to read. Click here to read about that...and here to find and read his love story.

There's so much good stuff out there...if I'm missing any diamonds in the rough that you follow...let me know. I'm always looking for more to read...have a great weekend!

God Is...

Last week my church, NMC, started a new series called "God Is _____". Basically, it's a look at the person and character of God. My friend Derry led last week and will again this week, and there is a special daily devotional to walk through this series if you click here. I wasn't able to attend last week, so I watched Derry online yesterday, and I've been following along all week. One of the things I've been encouraged to do is to fill out my own list of "God Is..." statements as an affirmation of my faith. Some may be obvious...some more obscure...but all personal to me and my relationship with Him.

God is in control.

God is my redeemer.

God is compassionate.

God is with me.

God is a great teacher.

God is bigger than anything I face.

God is working all around me, even when I don't see His hand.

God is protecting me always, even when I feel exposed.

God is still pursuing me fiercely every day, despite my failings.

God is able to do more than I can imagine or comprehend.

God is amazing in His grace, love, acceptance, and forgiveness.

God is my Father.

God is my friend.

God is...and I am not.

Someday, I really struggle with remembering that last one. As Derry shared in his sermon last Sunday,(watch it here!) we tend to get in trouble when we forget this simple truth. There are not only many stories in the Bible of this....but I could share many, many examples of this in my own life. One thing my kidney failure and the events of the past six months have shown me is that I am not..and God is. My whole life to that point I was always telling God, "You can have control of everything...but I know you're busy...so I'll just take care of most of this for you." What I was really telling Him is that I didn't trust Him to do what I wanted...so I didn't let Him have all of me. It took losing control of nearly everything I had to get me to the point where I finally broke down and just said "Ok, God...I'm yours...I can't do it on my own. Come in and take over. You are, and I am not." That started a change that is still working in me today. Am I perfect and finished? Not even close...but I'm not who I was...and still progressing, with His help and in His hands.

So, how about you? What is on your "God is..." list today? It may not be like mine...you could feel He is distant, not listening, and just plain not present...but no matter what you are feeling, open up that dialogue with God today and just talk to Him. Like a father, He wants to not only hear our requests and thanksgiving, but our fears, hopes, dreams, and problems. Here's hoping I remember that He is, and I am not, today.

Sometimes, He Knows Just What To Say....

In my Bible reading program on YouVersion today:

Be brave. Be strong. Don’t give up.
Expect God to get here soon.

(Psalms 31:24, MSG)

Sometimes, He knows just what to say.

Here's hoping you heard something from Him today, too.

It's Still Relevant...

I've got to admit...before I started journeying through the whole Bible on YouVersion, I really thought the Old Testament was just that: old, and not relevant to me or anyone anymore. It just used to be what I considered "Bible stories" for Sunday School...kind of a history lesson, but not applicable to what I go through every day. Understand...the laws in Leviticus, and the specific plans to build the Tabernacle in Exodus that I'm reading right now are sometimes a struggle, but there is so much great stuff in this part of the Bible. Life lessons to be learned, struggles with faith, family, and friends, and much of the same things we go through every day...just with different people in a different time. I've really gotten into the Psalms this time through. Maybe it's the season of my life, but I really have come to find alot of strength and comfort in the writings of David and others. I love Psalms because it's just the raw feelings and emotions of the writer. In some, he's joyful and thankful, like the Psalms we all remember...but in others, he's mad, sad, discouraged, and frustrated...just like I am. Consider some of the words of Psalm 30:

God, my God, I yelled for help
and you put me together.

God, you pulled me out of the grave,
gave me another chance at life
when I was down-and-out.

When things were going great
I crowed, “I’ve got it made.
I’m God’s favorite.
He made me king of the mountain.”
Then you looked the other way
and I fell to pieces.

You did it: you changed wild lament
into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band
and decked me with wildflowers.

I’m about to burst with song;
I can’t keep quiet about you.
God, my God,
I can’t thank you enough.

(Psalms 30:2-3,7-8,11-12, MSG)

It's like David pulled this out of my diary, if I kept one. These psalms...these letters to God are just as relevant today as they were in his time. They can comfort me, lift me up, but mostly, make me feel less alone in my struggles knowing that God saw many, many people through much, much more than I'm facing today.

The Old Testament? Not so old to me anymore...yep, it's still relevant...and highly recommended. If you don't have a reading program, check out YouVersion and set one up today. If you've never read that part of the Bible, you're missing alot. Here's hoping we can all find relevance in the Word today.