Update on 1.6...

Sorry about the delay...and I texted some of you and updated my Twitter, but I know that doesn't reach all of you...so here it is....

I went down to Indy on Friday for my checkup post-transplant. As we waited, I felt much better than I did after my consultation a week ago. Tuesday, we met with a different doctor, one that wasn't there this past Friday. The one that was worried about my creatinine was a student, and they are taught to look for everything, and the signs he saw gave him worry that I was dehydrated, and that the kidney may be showing signs of failure. Turns out, the more experienced doc said the increased level was due to high levels of Prograf, one of my anti-rejection medications. He decreased the dose starting Tuesday night, and when we returned on Friday and did labs again, the creatinine was down to 1.7. I also heard between Tuesday and Friday from 2 former transplant recipients and one transplant nurse that this is a very common occurance, for the meds to raise the creatinine level while they are in the process of dialing in exactly what dose is right for your body. So, when we got the results Friday, I felt like it would be down, and it was.

Now, you may say that God had nothing to do with it...just a doctor reading more into my results than what was there. That may be true, but I choose to believe God still allowed this to happen to remind me that He is still in control, and that I need to trust and have faith in Him. He didn't bring the 1.6 on Tuesday...but I know He'll bring the 1.6 at my next blood draw. He didn't answer my prayer exactly how I had planned, choosing instead to do it in His time...and to remind me that on my own, I can't do anything...but with Him, I can do everything.

The team was also so pleased with my healing and my tests that they have moved me from twice a week to once a week, a week earlier than usual....and since they will be in South Bend next week, I don't have to go back to Indy for two weeks, which is great in itself.

So, to all you that have been praying, thanks...you did make a difference...and it did give me peace no matter what we would have found out. I really appreciate it...and so thankful I have so many that truly care about me and my family.

So, back to enjoying that family...have a great weekend!

"Heaven Is For Real" - My Review

I was given a copy of this book by a good friend of ours. She said she read it in a day. I had also heard from my mother and some others that it was worth a read. On the front, it said it has sold over 2 million copies, so many people are reading it as well. Here's my review...

"Heaven Is For Real" by Todd Burpo is the story of his oldest son, Colton. When Colton was four, his appendix burst and wasn't diagnosed for 5 days. Once they finally figured it out, Colton was full of the poisons and nearly died. Through lots of prayers and the diligent work of the medical staff, Colton came through and was fine. What the book is about, though, is what Colton began to share with his father after he came home. Colton shared with his family that he was in heaven for a while during the course of his surgery to "clean out" his insides. He was never offically dead, but shared many details of what he saw and heard that seem to be far beyond the grasp of his 4 year old mind. Todd began to write down the accounts that Colton would give, and went back to check them against scripture. By all accounts, the stories seemed to be real, and Colton's story has touched many people over the years since it happened.

My take? I really enjoyed reading the book...it took me about an hour and a half on the way home from clinic in Indy yesterday. It's a short book, and an easy read. Parts of the book really moved me, both as a Christian, but even more so as a parent. Todd's account of the helplessness he felt as his boy was close to death really got to me....and his wonder at Colton's revelations were touching as well. It's well done, and worth a read, in my opinion.

Now, to get to the question I'm sure everyone who's read this is asking: Did Colton really go to heaven and see all this? Did he not, and get a vision of it? Or did Dad and others ask him leading questions and either teach him the answers, or maybe he drew from what he learned in church and just being around his dad, a pastor of a small church? I'm sure it's possible...and people will believe what they want to, regardless of what the book lays out. For me, I choose to believe it. I do believe that God still uses people today just like He did back when Christ walked the earth. I believe that children can often be the ones to be the vessels, because they aren't jaded and worn as we adults are. I've seen God work in miraculous ways, not just in my own life, but in the lives of others I know. Sure, it would be easy to doubt what Todd writes...just as easy as it is to doubt the many miracles and signs Jesus did in His time on earth, and the ones we've seen with our own eyes. Who am I to say Colton's stories are true or not? I choose to believe they are...and in doing so, it reinforces my hope and faith that heaven is an amazing place...and I look forward to seeing it for myself someday.

Final word: Pick up a copy of this book, or you can borrow mine. Read it for yourself, and make your own decision....just remember, people have been doubting God since the world began...and He just keeps showing up.

Good news, unexpected delivery...

Well, we are back home now, tired from the long day that began at 4 a.m., but glad nonetheless. Like I said in my tweets, the Prograf (antirejection drug) level came back at 9.5, a full point higher than Fridays level. The uptick in my Prograf level almost mirrors the jump in creatinine, and both the doctor I saw today and the surgeon who did my transplant agree that this is most likely the culprit, and have reduced my dosage starting tonight. Ill go back on Friday, and hopefully both numbers will be more in line with the norm. We appreciate all the prayers for 1.6, and I'm still confident ill get there...just not the way we thought. He knows what's best, and we still trust in Him and His lead...and we felt each and every prayer lifted up on our behalf.

Thank you so very much.

I wanted to share a passage passed on to me by Rachel...as it's very appropriate. Thanks, Rachel!

These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

(Hebrews 11:39-40, NIV)

update...

Its 11 a.m., and we are still up in the air. Creatinine level was 1.94, down a bit from 1.95 on Friday. The doc I saw today, though, thinks the inflated level is due to too much Prograf in my system, which is one of my antirejection drugs. He showed us the last few labs, and the prograf and creatinine levels have been climbing together. We are waiting now for the prograf levels from this morning to come back. If the number is still high, they will lower my dose, and the creatinine should drop to normal as well. If prograf is low....well, let's not worry about that until we have to! So, maybe God's still answering it, but in a different way...but regardless, I'm in His hands. Ill keep you updated when I hear something....thanks for praying!

The Power Of Being Prayed For...

When I posted about the 1.6, I was really going to be OK if my wife and I were the only ones who were going to be doing it...and that would have been fine. I wanted to be obedient, and to ask specifically, just like we are asked to in the Bible. But what happened after I posted it....well, it blew me away.

After 5 minutes after I posted, I got a tweet from a friend saying he'd be praying. An hour later, my donor texted to tell me she's in with us as well. Moments later, someone from another state joined the cause, reminding me later that one of the verses Shelley used in her post about this was Phillipians 1:6...you could call it conincidence...but I'll call it a cool little sign God was hearing those prayers already. From there, it seemed to just spread and blossom.

I've heard from a number of people already that are praying alongside of us. A group from our small church prayed over us on Sunday. I've prayed for many people...and that's always rewarding and exciting to see how God shows up...

But being prayed for? Well, that's something entirely different. It's humbling, moving, and just plain inspiring. I still don't know what God's plan is here...but if it doesn't happen, it won't be for lack of asking. It's just really special to know that so many care and are willing to jump in with both feet and stand in the gap with us. God never meant us to go it alone...and it's comforting that we've had people with us every step of the way so far.

Like the old adage says, I don't know the future...but I know who holds the future...and that's ok with me. We leave at 4 am tomorrow, and should know my creatinine level by sometime after 10 a.m. I'll update via Twitter, and you can catch that at the top right of my blog. Thanks for praying...and don't stop!

In Christ Alone...

I'll admit....I've been letting my worry get the best of me.

I struggled with it last night...didn't sleep too well...and just couldn't find a comfortable way to lay either...so lots of time to just think about how far away Tuesday seems to be. I knew I should be praying in those moments, and claiming victory over these attacks...but instead I just gave in to those thoughts of fear and assuming the worst will happen. I was a grump all last night...and still in a bit of a funk this morning.

We took off for NMC to celebrate Easter Sunday. Little did I know it was just what I needed. The worship was all about Christ's victory over the grave, which is exactly what I needed to hear. In the midst of this, they baptized a couple of people. One was a lady who found out about a year ago that she had lesions in her brain and lungs and they had already metastasized. Her prognosis wasn't good...but she's been fighting for over a year now. She still isn't cured...but wanted to publicly signify her faith and willingness to follow God, no matter where His path is taking her. That literally broke me.

To follow that, Don came back and began to lead us in "In Christ Alone". As we sang, the lyrics spoke directly to my heart:

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

At that point, I just had to bow my head and just tell God this: "Ok...you got me. I hear you...and I chose to follow and believe that all of this is in your hands. It's one thing to say it, but quite another to really do it. This number of 1.6 we're praying for, my worry about waiting until Tuesday, thinking every little thing my body feels is a problem..I'm ready to lay it down at your feet. It's really yours...and I trust You and am ready to follow You down where ever this road will lead."

In that moment, I finally felt free from it...free from the worry...free from the doubts and fears...just free. I know I'm doing all I can on my end...whatever happens from here, it's out of my hands, and I need to trust in Him. He's brought me this far...and after seeing how He's brought me through the last eight months, who I am to doubt Him anyway?

In Christ alone, I have my strength...and that's more than enough for me.

Stepping Out In Faith...

My friend, Rachel, commented on my post from yesterday with this:

A little over a year ago, I asked everyone to pray for a specific creatinine number for Mags so that she could avoid a kidney biopsy. When we went back to Memorial, her Creatinine hadn't gone down - in fact I think it went up. But we kept praying. We were sent to Riley, spent the night there - anticipating the biopsy the next morning. They took blood that morning (as usual) and came back to tell us that her creatinine had gone down and was the exact number I had asked everyone to pray for. I started laughing b/c GOD had answered our prayers. He wants us to ask for things in faith with BIG faith! Be specific! :)

Maggie never had that biopsy and her creatinine levels keep going down as her kidneys keep recovering.

So, what specific number do you want people to pray for? And then you wait and watch for that number to pop back at you on Tuesday! :)

I must admit...I'm a little embarrassed that thought didn't cross my mind.....O me of little faith, I guess. I love Rachel's faith, especially since I saw her live it out over the course of Maggie's fight in the past. She's been a great encouragement to me, and also has been one to push me out of my comfort zone. It's hard for me to ask for prayer for myself anyway...and to throw out a specific number...well, it just feels presumptous. But like Rachel says, God wants us to ask for things in faith with BIG faith...so here it is:

My creatinine was 1.9...a few appointments ago it was 1.5-1.6, which is about where my nephrologist thinks my final baseline may fall at. I've never been lower than 1.45. So, here's what I'm asking you that are praying to pray for...the number I'm looking for is 1.6. This would be a significant decline in my number which would avoid the biopsy...actually, any decline would avoid the biopsy, but hitting 1.6 would alleviate many of the doctor's concerns. So that is SPECIFICALLY what I'm asking God for...and if you would like to come alongside of me in this and pray as well, I would much appreciate it.

I'll keep you posted as to what my level is after my appointment on Tuesday morning...and who am I to doubt the God who created the universe?

God is God...and Easter Sunday tomorrow is a clear reminder of His power and His boundless love for us.

Thanks.

Another Checkup....

Today I went back down to Indy for another checkup. These happen twice a week right now, and today I was driven down by my friend, Jeff Kitson. It's a really long day beginning at 4 am, but the time flew by, and I really enjoyed spending the day with him, and appreciate his willingness to do so.

Everything went as usual until I saw one of the nephrologists (kidney doctors). Most of my lab work looked just fine, but they were concerned about my level or creatinine. Creatinine is a toxin that builds up in your in your bloodstream when your kidneys don't work. Even with dialysis, my creatinine level at the day of my transplant was a little over 10, with 1 being a normal level. My creatinine level was 1.9 today, but what caught the eye of my doctor is that in my last 3 appointments, the level grew by .1 each time.

This initially unnerved me, as losing this precious gift would be devastating. The doctor then proceeded to ask me what my donor looks like and what size she was. I explained she was much shorter and smaller than me, and he told me that the kidney Shelley gave me was specially made for her and her size, and that since I'm bigger and have more weight and muscle mass, it just won't be able to get that number down as low as one of my own kidneys could. He said my permanent level will end up being around 1.5 to 1.9, which is about where I'm at.

Like I said, the progressive increase over the last three appointments is what concerned him. He worried dehydration could be contributing to it. They already have me drinking at least 4 liters a day, which is about a gallon. Problem is, Lil' Shelley is working so well, I'm outputting more than than I'm taking in. This will correct itself in time as the donated kidney acclimates itself to me, but for now, it's something I really have to watch, and to drink as much as I possibly can. Even when I get up to go in the middle of the night, they want me to try to drink 20 oz. every time I do. That's alot of fluid people...and I'm already going about every 60-90 minutes...but I'll do it if that's best for my kidney.

So I go back on Tuesday for my next check-up, and hopefully my creatinine level will have dropped, or at the very least, stayed stable. If not, they plan to take a biopsy of the kidney to ensure that it's functioning fine, and not starting the process of rejection. I'm not showing any physical signs of any problem with the kidney other than my creatinine level. The doc told me not to be alarmed...and they gave me two liters of saline to add to my hydration before I left. They said it could also be tied to dialing in the level of my anti-rejection meds, or due to some other factors, but the biopsy, if needed, will point them directly to whatever the issue is.

So, Tuesday is four days away. That's a long time to wait and worry about this. I know they told me not to...but it's hard to shake it. I resolve to hydrate as much as I can, and to leave the rest in His almighty hands. This kidney is not mine, it's His...and I trust in His plan and His will....I'll just have to remind myself of that about a billion times the weekend when those worries start creeping in.

For those of you that are praying, I do covet your prayers in this area not only for me, but for my wife, too. And while you are on your knees, send some up for Derry and Janelle Prenkert. They leave Easter Sunday to travel overseas to meet their little boy for the first time, and start the process to finalize the adoption in his native courts. If you want to know their schedule and how to pray specifically, click on their names. They are a very special couple, and so glad God decided that they were the ones to take care of this little man.

Thanks for following along...but thanks most of all for your prayers...couldn't do it without them.

The In-Between...

I had another checkup down at Indy yesterday. What a beautiful day...poured on us the whole way down....poured while we were there...and poured until we got north of Kokomo on the way back. Gotta love spring!

Everything was OK at the checkup. The doctors were pleased with my progress, and I seem to be healing well. I've noticed that even though I'm still pretty tender and sore, I can do more than I could a week ago. I can begin to bend at the waist to pick something up off the floor, rather than squatting down to get it. Getting in and out of bed is much easier than it was. I spent most of yesterday either on my feet or sitting up in a chair, and the pain level this morning is surprisingly low, given how much a day of activity hurt me last week.

Right now, I'm in the in-between. I'm not as bad as I was two weeks ago, but I'm not there yet. It doesn't hurt as bad as it did...but it still hurts. I can do more than I could last week..but I can't yet do the things I did before.

I'm not complaining...don't get me wrong. I'm so thankful for the transplant, and my body is already reaping the benefits. I think it's just more impatience...as I start to feel better, I just want to be better. I don't want to wait for the end of the process...I want it to come now.

I need to remember God's timing through all of this...and I need to remember that it's not mine, but safe in His hands. His timing has been perfect so far, so who am I to know when it all should happen.

I am choosing to be content in the in-between...and trust and have faith it'll all happen in his time.

Hosanna...

Yesterday at NMC, I was really happy to be back "home" after a few weeks away for my transplant. As we were worshipping at the beginning, we were singing "Hosanna" by Paul Baloche. It really got me thinking that this was Palm Sunday, when Christ made his triumphant entry into Jerusalem. As we reached the chorus, the doors opened on both sides of the stage, and children began flowing in with palm fronds and lined the entire front, waving them as we all sang together.

Let me tell you...for a while I couldn't sing. I've seen this before...but this time it really moved my heart. In my mind's eye, I could see the streets lined with children and their families cheering and praising Jesus as a conquering king, here to save them from oppression. Little did they know, in less than a week, they would be calling for his death on the cross.

They didn't know....but He did.

He knew....and He came anyway.

Watching those children smiling and waving their palms, I was touched not only by their innocence and beauty, but by the selfless act of Christ, knowing that the donkey He was riding in on was bringing Him to His end.

This brings back to mind a passage from Max Lucado's "And The Angels Were Silent"...it talks about Jesus being the garden praying for this cup to be taken from Him...and once He knew it was finally His to take...these thought were on His mind:

In that moment, He chose you.

"He saw you. Right there in the middle of a world that isn't fair. He saw you cast into a river of life you didn't request. He saw you betrayed by those you love. He saw you with a body that gets sick and a heart that grows weak.

He say you in your Garden of Gethsemane - and He didn't want you to be alone.

He wanted you to know that He has been there, too. He knows what it's like to be plotted against. He knows what it's like to be confused. He knows what it's like to be torn between two desires. He knows what it's like to smell the stench of Satan. And, perhaps most of all, He knows what it's like to beg God to change His mind and to hear God say so gently, but firmly, "No."

For that is what God says to Jesus. And Jesus accepts the answer. At some moment during that midnight hour an angel of mercy comes over the weary body of the man in the garden. As He stands, the anquish is gone from His eyes. His fist will clench no more. His heart will fight no more.

The battle is won. You may have thought it was won on Golgotha. It wasn't. You may have thought the sign of victory is the empty tomb. It isn't. The final battle was won in Gethsemane. And the sign of conquest is Jesus at peace in the olive trees.

For it was in the garden that He made his decision:

He would rather go to hell for you than go to heaven without you."

God loves me, and you that much. That was always hard for me to fully understand and accept until this Easter. I know what it is to let someone down, to shatter their world, to break their heart, and I know what its like to be prayed for by that same person, to be allowed back in to restore and rebuild, and to be loved unconditionally despite my many faults and failures. Just seeing that lived out every day right in front of me has broken and changed me for the better. It still blows me away every day...that's the just a little bit of unconditional love that Jesus showed by dying for us on the cross.

Hosanna is defined as "a shout of fervent and worshipful praise". Just as the kids did yesterday...just as the crowds did over 2000 years ago....the selfless love and sacrifice that Jesus made, and seeing it lived out by my incredible wife makes me want to shout with praise.

I am so undeserving...yet so completely blessed.

Hosanna, indeed.

Hosanna to the highest!

The Weekend....

Ah, the weekend.

I know for most of you, this is nothing really special...but for me, today is a landmark. For the past two years, my Saturdays have included a 5-6 hour window that I'd have to be away from my wife and family going to and from and getting dialysis. It didn't seem as bad during my treatments in the week...but the Saturday one was always hard. It was the one day I had with no commitments, and one we could all spend together. Once dialysis started, that was taken away from me. You don't realize how much you miss something until it's gone...and losing my Saturdays was really hard.

This Saturday? Well, it started out with waking from a good night's sleep to go downstairs and see my kids already up and watching TV. Now, they are playing a video game together....and enjoying each other's company! That warms my heart. After my wife awakens, I will cook a breakfast feast, with bacon and potatoes, two forbidden foods on a dialysis diet. If the weather turns, we will go up and check out the festival in our town....if not, we will spend time together here at our house. No matter what we do...it'll be together...and that's due to the selfless gift from a friend. Just being able to be home today...it's a blessing, and one I will never take for granted again.

I think, in honor of this day, I will take the rest of the weekend off from the computer. Here's hoping you enjoy your weekend as well!

Feeling Better...

Sorry for those of you that have been following closely that I didn't post yesterday...it was a very busy day. For those of you that don't follow closely...you may have never known!

Wednesday was a really hard day for me physically. From being on my feet more than I had since surgery, combined with the ride home from Indy, I think I overdid it...and I paid for it that day. I spent most of the day flat on the couch trying not to move. I was just really sore...and since I had take more pain meds than usual, my stomach wasn't settled either. It was just a long day...but enough about that.

Yesterday I woke up feeling so much better. Nearly no pain, and I started the day early with lab work at Goshen Hospital. Once that was finished, I went into work for while. I caught up with alot of paperwork, and returned some phone calls. It feel good and normal to be back in for a while. I know I need to rest and not push it too hard to recover, but I'm not really the type of guy that can still still all day. (Though I am enjoying the Vince Lombardi documentary that's playing as I type this...) I just like being busy...and those few hours in the office lifted my spirits. I then traveled to South Bend to meet with the IU transplant team. They come up once a month to help those that need to meet with them, like I do, so they don't always have to make that drive.

I got there 10 minutes early and checked in. 50 minutes later we found out that the receptionist never alerted the nurses I was there. (sigh...) I met with my surgeon, and he was very happy with my progress, and that helped me feel better as well. He told me the different pains and swelling I am having is completely normal, and I'm right on track. Lil' Shelley is still working perfectly, and with each blood test I have, the toxins trapped in my blood from my own kidneys failing continue to drop every time. I'm almost normal. (Please refrain from comments on that sentence!)

After returning home, I still felt good enough to make dinner for the family. Don't be too impressed...it was chipped beef on toast...and had a visit from a great friend to round out the night. I slept the best I have since surgery, and I woke up feeling good, despite the activity of yesterday, which made me happy.

I know Shelley has had a few good days in a row now, too...and that's encouraging. I feel like we are both turning the corner. Though it will be a while yet until we are completely healed, we are past the worst of it, in my opinion.

So, today I will rest some...do some office work on my computer...and hopefully get out and walk a little bit and keep stretching those stitched together muscles. The Maple Syrup Festival is this weekend here in town, so I hope to get up and enjoy some of the events with my family. In all, I'm feeling better, and looking forward to the weekend.

Hopefully, the posts about my health will slow, and I can get back to writing about things you and I are much more interested in...but thanks for your concern, thoughts, and prayers!

Counting My Blessings...

Though it's nice to be home today, it's been one of the roughest ones yet. I think I'm feeling the after-effects of alot of time on my feet and in the car. I felt pretty good then....but wondering if I overdid it a little. My abdominal muscles had to be cut through to insert the kidney, then sewn tightly back together. Part of the reason they want you up and walking right away is to keep those muscles from healing back bunched up...they want you to stand and walk and stretch it out back to normal. I've also been trying to step back on my pain meds, as I wanted to get off them as soon as possible...but I've needed them today. There's also still alot of swelling in there from the surgery, and the pressure from that is bothering me today, too.

It's kinda frustrating...feeling like I'm going backwards and having more pain than I did previously. It was starting to affect my attitude...but then I was reminded by my wife that I did have a kidney transplant a week ago. I know that sounds obvious...but I needed to hear that. It has been almost exactly 7 days from the surgery, and I got out of the hospital in 4 days, ahead of most, and am more mobile than most from what I've heard. I'm just not a patient person, and when I see a little setback, it normally hits me pretty hard and makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong. I also got a call from one of my nurses at IU checking in to see how I was doing. I shared it with her, and she encouraged me that it was very normal to feel this way at this time. I also know how hard Shelley has had it, but is now doing much better. I've had it pretty good so far...and still so very blessed to have that kidney of hers doing a wondrous work inside me. I'm off dialysis for the first time in 2 years. I can eat a normal diet again. I have a job that allows me to be off and recover, and a wife that is selflessly manning the wheel of both our home and our business until I'm ready to come back.

Yes, I don't feel as good physically today...but when I look at where I'm at and what I've been blessed with, it makes me feel alot better. Counting your blessings usually has a way of doing that....at least for me.

If life's circumstances have you down today, here's hoping you can take some time to do what I did...and realize not only that this, too, shall pass, but that things are pretty good if we don't let the bad overshadow it.

Thanks again for your prayers...and know I have and can feel them...and they continue to make a difference.

Home Sweet Home....

Home...I never thought it would be so great to be home.

After 9 days away, we got to come home today from Indianapolis. It was a long day, but so worth it to be settled in my own living room in my own chair. So glad to be here...and so amazed it hasn't even been a week since my transplant occurred. So, for those of you that are wondering, here's my day today:

This morning I arrived bright and early for my first post-transplant clinic. This will be a twice a week occurrence for about the first month, then weekly the second, then tapering down from there to once a month for the first year. It's critical for a few reasons: to keep up on the health of me and Lil' Shelley, and to find that balance between by anti-rejection meds and the strength of my immune system. First is a blood draw (only 5 tubes this time, down from 18 before transplant) then off to get my vitals taken. After that, there is a few hours of downtime as the results of the bloodwork are tested. Around 10 am, the transplant clinic opens and I see one of their nephrologists. We go over my health, address any questions or complaints, and make any adjustments to my meds. This time it was short and sweet. My labs came back right in line, and we were out of there in about 15 minutes.

From there we began the ride back home. I really was worried about this, as I didn't know how it would be to ride in a car for 2 1/2 hours as sore as I've been. Honestly, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. My wife did a fine job of driving as smoothly as possible, and it really helped. When we arrived home, my folks and father-in-law were there to help us unpack the van and settle in, along with providing us dinner for tonight and tomorrow, which was another blessing. The lawn was also mowed along with some other yard work by my parents...and that blessed me as well, knowing that the burden of all that falls on my wife until I'm back to full strength. Both of our parents have really come alongside of us to help in any way possible, and willing to keep helping until I'm all good. That's pretty cool...and we are very thankful for that.

While being thankful...I can't tell you how much I appreciate how my wife has been through all of this. From being by my side as much as she could, to taking care of everything, to carrying the load here at home and, now that we're back, at work as well....she's simply amazing. In the months leading up to transplant, we had the chance to rebuild our marriage, and I fell back in love with her deeper and harder than I ever was before. Watching her over the last week and a half, I was blown away by her loyalty, her servant's heart, and her willingness to help carry me through this time. When I was up, she rejoiced with me...when I was struggling, she encouraged me. When I had visitors, she was the consummate hostess and she was my advocate with the nurses and doctors. She was so selfless...and for someone that's wired to be the helper and not the helped, it was hard at first. But I knew I couldn't do it on my own, and I'm so thankful I didn't have to. I don't deserve her...not by a long shot...but so very proud to call her my wife. She's something special...and I see more and more things I love about her every day.

Well, the kid's bedtime is almost here, then some time with the Mrs., which will most likely involve an early bedtime, as I think we're both pretty spent from not just the day, but the whole trip. I'll spend at least the rest of the week resting and recovering...and we'll see what next week brings.

See ya tomorrow...I'm sure I'll have time to blog...

A Good Night's Sleep...

Ahhh.....sleep.

I'm a guy who usually doesn't need that much sleep. I can get 5-6 hours and be just fine. However, since my transplant on Wednesday, I bet I've gotten about 11 hours total going into Sunday night. It was really wearing on me, and one of the things I prayed for with my wife last night was a good night's sleep for both Shelley and I. You just don't know how much you need sleep until you go through something like this. I don't know yet how her night was...but mine was just what I needed.

I got about 12 hours of sleep, with frequent, yet very welcome, interruptions from Lil' Shelley. They said to expect to have to go about every hour to hour and a half right now...and that seems like alot, but the more Lil' Shelley can work and process, the more acclimated it will come to my body, and the lower the chance of rejection. I decided not to be tough, too, and took some pain meds before I got in bed, and another halfway through the night, which I'm sure helped tremendously. So even with getting up a bunch, I was always able to get right back to sleep. I had some intensely weird dreams, but we'll chalk those up to the Norco.

Now I could give the credit to that good night of sleep to meds and exhaustion, but I've been exhausted for a few days now....and this was the first day I specifically prayed for it. I don't think that's a coincidence. It's not that God didn't want me to sleep....but just waited patiently until I asked for His help, then gladly stepped in to make it happen. That's pretty cool.

Something else I noticed my first night out of the hospital: I really am taking much more joy in the little things. From the chance to fall asleep holding hands with my wonderful wife, to being able to walk down to the lobby and pick up a newspaper, to snuggling with her on the couch last night watching TV...I really didn't realize how much I loved those things until I couldn't do them. For instance, today I will take a regular, full body shower for the first time in almost 2 years. With the perma-cath I had in my neck for dialysis, I couldn't get it wet, so I would wash my hair under the bath faucet, then aim the shower below my shoulders to wash the rest of me. Just being able to stand under that hot, flowing water today and let it all roll off me is going to be one of the highlights of my day. As I continue to recover and heal, the opportunity to swim with my kids in the pool and the lake will be another landmark. Even dinner last night...we had pizza with sausage and pepperoni and Diet Coke, all things forbidden on my dialysis diet. Believe me, I savored every single bite.

So when you go through your day today, try to find at least one thing that seems small and insignificant, but something you'd really miss if you couldn't do it....then take a moment to thank God for that opportunity and the ability to do it. I guarentee it'll change your attitude and outlook for the day....just as it's changed mine.

As far as how to pray specifically: Along with the sleep I talked about earlier, part of the healing process is getting active again, mostly just standing and walking. As much as it hurts sometimes, it helps the muscles and nerves to heal, and therefore is an important part of both our recoveries. Pray for the strength, patience, and perseverance to do what we can and need to do, without overdoing it and setting ourselves back. Thanks for following along on this journey. Every day, I'm still humbled and overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support not only for Shelley and I, but for our kids and families. You all are amazing.

I'm Out!

I was released from the hospital today around noon. Now we are back at the hotel for a few days before we come home. I'm still quite sore and tender in the abdomen, and we would have to be back down here at the hospital Tuesday morning for my first follow-up clinic, so we decided to just stay in town, rest, and re-coup until that time, then make the ride home.

It's really nice to be out of the hospital. Just the change of scenery helped to change my attitude. After spending the last 4 days in that little room, it's just nice to sit in a normal chair or couch and to be back on your own again. Now starts the process of all the medications, twice daily testing, and other stuff that comes with a transplant. I really don't mind it...because though I still have pain from the surgery, I can really tell the change in my energy levels, and the toxins in my bloodstream have dropped dramatically day after day. Dialysis basically does just enough for you to function. To truly clean your blood as a kidney does, you'd be on the machine 24/7. It's really just amazing how the whole deal works.

As far as the hospital, I would recommend IU University Health to anyone. Every single doctor, nurse, or anyone working there was great, very customer oriented, happy to answer questions, and very encouraging. The surgeon I had is one of the very best in the nation, and the post care by both the docs and the the nursing staff just made this stay a pleasure despite the physical pain. They set the tone well, and I think it helps in the recovery process.

Family and friends continue to check in and call, and it's nice to know we are loved and support by so many. I even got a call from Pastor Dave from NMC a few minutes before he went to preach the first of three services. That he'd take the time to touch base and catch up with me on such a busy day meant the world to me. We got to see the kids yesterday and today as my folks brought them down and spent the night at an indoor waterpark. They had a ball...and again, so thankful for them and all the others who have made this week lots of fun for our children.

If you want to know how to pray, here's a few. I'm still struggling with pain and lack of sleep. A restful night would be wonderful. Also, I'd like to ask you to keep praying for Shelley. They drove home today and she was still in alot of pain,
and I know she had a rough night as well. She's an amazing lady...and I can't wait until she feels back to normal. As I promised her today, the best thing I can do for her is take care of Lil' Shelley as best I can, and I will. It's a gift beyond words...and I intend to have it for a very long time.

Well, dinner is here....so I'll talk to you all tomorrow. Thanks for your love, support, and prayers....you are making a difference.

Progress...

Yesterday was much better than the day before. I got some of my tubing taken out, and finally got to get dressed,which made me feel a little better. We had a few visitors, and I got my last dose of the hard immuno-suppressant medicin. It really beat me up, and I had an allergic reaction to it that kept me up itching part of the night.

On the good side, I'm still ahead of schedule. The doctors will round soon, and I'll get my permanent catheter pulled, along with my IV port. They drew blood at 5 am, and if that all comes out alright, I may be out of here by noon. That would make me happy...

Breakfast is on the way, so this one will be short and sweet. Thanks for praying, and I'll check back in later!

Day #2 After Surgery: Not So Much Fun...

Yesterday was kind of a rough one. It started out pretty good, as I woke up refreshed, and did alot of walking around. After my morning usual stuff, I had to get a strong dose of immuno-suppressants so that my body's defenses are down enough so that my body doesn't attack Lil' Shelley. The coming weeks will be a process of dialing back that medication to find a balance point where the kidney is safe and I can have as much immunity as I can. The medicine I got yesterday afternoon the nurse likened to a chemotherapy treatment. I can't speak for that...but it's not alot of fun, and takes almost 6 hours to infuse. On top of that, the ol' system had slowed down, and that was causing alot of pressure in my already tender abdomen. I won't go into detail, but measures were taken to alleviate that problem and though not fun at all, they were effective. I did get to sleep about 10, and the nurses were awesome not to wake me every 2 hours to do vitals as usual, so I got about 7 hours of sleep, which I sorely needed. I woke up this morning feeling sore, but I was walking and sitting up most of the day, so that's to be expected.

I was getting down about my day yesterday, but the nurses and doctors kept coming in and telling me how great I was progressing. Even though I felt like I had taken 2 steps back, they kept encouraging me that I was really moving forward. I spent a good chunk of the day in meeting with post-surgical staff about what I needed to do to take care of Lil' Shelley when I go home with the anticipation that I may get out today or tomorrow. I know I have the last dose of the rough medication to take today, but I think that's really it. I'll see the doctors when they round and we'll know more then.

I got to see Shelley again...I walked up to her room yesterday morning. She was having a tough day, and I knew she felt awful...but her attitude was so great, that she encouraged me, and I was feeling better than she. She has been absolutely amazing through this, and I can't thank her enough not only for my kidney, but for the way she's chose to walk through this. I'm proud to call her a friend...and now, she's literally part of our family.

The person I felt bad for yesterday was my wife. I was a total crab and crank when I didn't feel well. She sat here all day and took all my grumbling and did everything she could to help me out and make me comfortable. That's unconditional love...and though I don't deserve it, I'm glad she loves me and is committed to me enough to do it on days like that. She's walking out love, grace, acceptance, and forgiveness to me on a daily basis...and I fall more in love with her again each day. I did apologize to her last night after she left...but I need to change my attitude.

Everyone here at the hospital says day 2 after surgery is the worst...so I'm hopeful for a better day today. I did have a visitor from home I was happy to spend some time with, and had many calls and texts checking in on me. Even though I wasn't feeling the best, it so nice to know so many truly care enough to make the effort to check in and encourage me. I'm so blessed.

Well, the nurses are in to start my daily stuff. I'll check back in tomorrow...but thanks for keeping up and praying. Have a great day!

Thankful...

It's the morning of day 2 of this new chapter in my life. I got some pretty good sleep last night, and that helped tremendously. I was pretty sore from getting up and walking around most of the afternoon, but it really settled down by evening, and I was very comfortable all night. I've already been for another long walk this morning, and it sounds like today they may pull all my tubing except for my IV line, with the possibility of being released on Saturday, but more than likely on Sunday if things continue to progress well. The doctors, nurses, and techs have been excellent, and are great and patient to answer any and all questions as I try my best to learn how to take care of this incredible gift I've been given.

As I look back on yesterday, my primary thoughts are really just of thankfulness. I'm so thankful for those who made the trip down to Indy on Wednesday. They not only encouraged me before I went in, but did a great and vital job of comforting and just standing in the gap with my wife and parents as Shelley and I were in surgery. We are so blessed to have so many that care about us. Several nurses walked by the crowd in the waiting room and wondered if we were all together...and Im surprised they weren't asked to quiet down, because it sounded like things were kept pretty loose, which I loved. We had a prayer time all together before Shelley went in, and it was a special, special time to just get centered and remember that the day of surgery was in God's hands, as was our entire journey. Special thanks to Pastor Jason and my great friend and former pastor, Denny Owens for their prayers over all of us then. To all of you that spent that day with us in the waiting room, you'll never know what that meant to all of us. Thanks.

Yesterday, it seemed like the stream of visitors and calls never stopped. Some were expected and very much appreciated...but a few really surprised me. Its one thing to drive 15-20 minutes to see someone in the hospital, but many drove from an hour to 3 hours to be here to support us, and it really meant alot to us. To see their love, support, and prayers still continues to blow me away. God has so blessed us with a excellent group of friends and family who I know we could count on and ask for anything. It really makes me feel safe and secure, and makes the road to recovery much easier.

I was also very moved by all those praying for us. Not just from my home church of NMC, but from many other churches from all over the state and the country. One of my tellers at the bank had even had Shelley and I on her church's prayer list for the last six months! Shelley and I have truly felt the prayer support, and it's making a huge difference even now. Never, ever underestimate the power of prayer.

I'm also thankful for those who have taken care of our children while we've been away. After a family discussion, we all decided it would be best for the kids to stay at home instead of spending all this time down here in the hospital. Carrying the load in our place have been my parents, my wife's parents, and a dear family friend, Chelsea Lengacher. We've talked to them about everyday, and each time they tell us how much fun they are having. That warms our hearts and makes us feel so good that our kids are being loved on and taken care of so well by all of you. Leaving them was a big fear of ours, but it's been unfounded, and the ability to have that time together down here without the added responsibility of caring for them has been God-sent. Thank you so much.

My wife has been a rock through this. I know these last few days have been hard on me physically, but much harder on her emotionally. As my primary caregiver through my sickness, she's carried a heavy load, and I did alot of things to add to that load that she didn't need to carry, but she did anyway. The last months have been a time of great restoration in our marriage, and coming into this surgery, I feel that we are as close to God and as close to each other as we have ever been in our almost 15 years of marriage. I have no words to tell you how safe and comfortable it makes me to see her right beside me through all of this, especially knowing all that I've put her through. I don't deserve her, but so proud and thankful God decided that He would give her to me anyway. She is my partner and my better half, and I couldn't do this without her. Thank you.

And what do I say about Shelley, my donor? I was so thankful to finally get the chance to talk with her when Curt brought her down to my room last night. She is feeling much better than she was, but I know it's still a hard road for her. I know she's hurting, but to hear her say how happy she was she did it, and that even knowing how she feels physically, that she would do it again just really did my heart good. Though this whole process scared her to death at times, she has felt called by God all along to do it, and that gave her the strength to complete the task she was called to do. She's been an encouragement to me just by her positive attitude and strength, and her kidney that now resides in me is improving my health by leaps and bounds almost hourly. As I said yesterday, I forgot what it feel like to feel "good" physically. As it comes back to me, I realized how much I missed it, and how much I needed it. I can play with my kids again. We can go on vacations. I get back 16 to 20 hours every week that used to be spent at dialysis or traveling to and from the clinic. In a nutshell, the selfless gift she gave me gave me my life back....and I'll never be able to thank her enough for that. She's amazing....and watching Curt watch over and care for her through this has blessed me as well. I've thought alot of Curt for many years since we were in church leadership together, but seeing him more personally as a dad and husband this week was pretty special, and gives me peace that my donor is going to be well taken care of.

I'm also thankful to God and His hand in all of this, even when I couldn't see it, or when I refused to give Him the credit. Like I shared yesterday, after looking back on it, His timing was absolutely perfect, and He was faithful to carry us through all the evaluations, tests, anxiousness with health, and the actual donation. If God hadn't made our bodies so wonderfully, Shelley wouldn't have had the kidney to give me, but God gave us two when we really only need one, allowing her to be an incredible example of Christ's life-giving gift to us on the cross. God has really used both of us to share His unconditional love through this, and I'm confident He will continue to use us and this story for His glory and to further His kingdom, and we will gladly be a part of it. I can't imagine walking through any of this without a relationship with God....and willing to be whatever I can to whomever I can to show them that same blessing.

In going through a health crisis like I have, it really makes you reexamine your life, priorities and just what's really important. As I look back on mine, I've made plenty of mistakes...but God has so blessed me with such an amazing "cloud of witnesses" that He's used to change me for the better, and for His glory. I'm just overwhelmed with thankfulness that He's saw fit to bless me in this fashion, and I will never take any of it for granted again. I love you all...and hope I get the chance to return the blessing of help and support to you when you need it.

Thanks.

A New Day...

(....trying this from my phone...)

I'm lying here in my room in the transplant ICU, and I couldn't be happier. The surgery went perfectly, even got done early. The surgeon proclaimed Shelley's kidney as "beautiful", and it started working immediately once they put i5 in me. Its been working great ever since, and I'm already seeing many of the benefits. My blood pressure has returned back to its normal range, and my levels of the dangerous toxins I used to carry are dropping hourly.

The really amazing thing is how much better I feel. After 2 years of being sick, it becomes your new reality. The headaches, aches and pains, anemia, and other stuff just kind of piles on over time and after all those dialysis treatments and you just don't notice how bad you feel....until you feel better.

I can feel the energy coming back already...so much, in fact, I haven't slept all night! I just feel too good to sleep! (Weird, I know...) The incision site is sore, but not painful like I expected it to be. They already had m sitting in a chair last night, and today ill be walking around. The staff here has been amazing and the care is first rate. I'm doing just fine...but keep praying for Shelley...she was in a lot of pain last night...I hope she had some restful sleep and feels better this morning.

As this new day arrives, I'm amazed by Gods hand in all of this again. Shelley told me as soon as she got on the list that it would be her...but I missed that sign and promise from God. From then, He decided to wait on me to get my life straigtened out and to retun to Him before this happened. I can't imagine it being any other way now that I've seen it all play out. As impatient as I was to get well, the two years it took has taught me more lessons than I can count...and ones I probably wouldn't have been open to learning without this journey.

I've learned to be a man a character instead of someone obsessed with people perception of me.

I've learned that everything, including my health, is in God's hands, and they are far better than my plans.

I've rebuilt my relationship with my wife from the ground up, and love her twice as much now.

I've seen many come alongside of me to walk through this valley, and gotten over my pride and let them do it.

God knew just what He was doing...and exactly what time it needed to happen in. (He's pretty awesome.)

Thanks to all of you that prayed over us yesterday. I know I felt them, as did Kris. Its humbling to have so many lifting us up...and words can't express my gratitude for that. Special thanks to those that made the trip yesterday to sit with our families....you really made a difference during the long wait while we were in surgery.

And to Shelley and her family: Thank you so, so much. You have given me my life back...and I promise to make my very best of it. Ill take great care of Lil' Shelley, too.

The sun will be up in a few hours...but my new day is already here.

*big smile*

It's Time...

It's time.

The day is finally here.

Today at 7 a.m. I checked in to IU Med Center for my kidney transplant. Maybe even as you read this I'm already in the operating room beginning the process to recieve the gift of life from a friend. Maybe I'm waiting in recovery afterwards...or maybe I'm even finished and resting comfortably in my room. (Check my Twitter feed in the upper right if you're really curious...) Regardless, today is the day.

So, if you're reading this today, I'd like to ask you a favor:

Take a little time to pray for all of us.

That's it.

Just take a few minutes and lift us up to the One who holds us in His almighty arms. Here's a few ways to specifically do that:

For Shelley and I: Pray for protection and health as we go through the surgery. Pray for wisdom and steady hands of the surgical team. Pray for a calm and peaceful spirit as we prep for the day.

For Curt and Kris: This day will be harder on them than anyone else. Pray for God's patience, grace, and strength to surround them as they wait for word from the operating room. Pray a hedge of protective angels over them and our children to shield them from any attacks and that they would be the salt and light to those around them on this day.

Above all, pray that God's will is done today, and that all of us can be "Jesus with skin on" to those we come in contact with today and in the coming days as we recover.

Well, that's it for this post. More to come after this is all done. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers...means alot to me.

OK....let's do this.

I'm ready.

It's time.

Last Day...

I remember the first day...

I had been feeling progressively worse for about a month. I thought I was just fighting a bad cold....or having just turned 39, maybe I was just getting old. I could chalk it up to that for a while...but then things got really rough. I was getting headaches every morning, so bad they would make me stop to throw up on the way to work 5 days in a row. I was having trouble breathing, and just climbing the stairs at our home would leave me short of breath. The night before the first day I remember laying in bed not able to even take a full, restful breath, and thinking that I'm having a heart attack. I was scared to death.

That first day I finally went to the doctor. After a few quick tests and reading the results of a blood test I took in January, he pronounced me to be in end stage renal failure. This meant my kidneys were functioning at less than 20% of what they were capable of. Those headaches? Kidneys hold a vital role in controlling blood pressure...and since mine weren't working, I had a reading of 220/120, borderline stroke levels. He didn't want me to leave the office. That shortness of breath? I was retaining nearly 40 pounds of excess water in my body, another thing good kidneys take care of. A visit the next day to a nephrologist confirmed his findings and I found was already at stage 5 of a 5 stage process in ESRD, and needed dialysis treatments immediately. Just a day later, I've got a permanent catheter placed in my neck leading to my heart and I'm attached to a machine that will clean my blood and allow me to stay alive.

That first day was a game changer, my friends. Approaching 40, I was feeling a little bit more mortal than before...but the realization that I was sick and couldn't do anything about it really shook me to the core. It's hard to face your own mortality at any time...but getting smacked with it like that really messed me up. You go through it all: blaming God, pleading with God, bargaining with God, self-pity, anger, frustration, depression...I think I touched them all over these past two years. For a while I put on a pretty good show about how well I was handling all of this, but inside I was a wreck. It took a very long time to truly make my peace with where I was at...and God and my wife and family patiently waited for me to finally get there. That first day was a day I'll never forget...but not really one I want to remember.

Now for the last day.

Yesterday I had what will hopefully be my last dialysis treatment. I did it down here in Indy in a clinic I've never been to before. I had more than a few comment on how happy I seemed to be...and I guess I couldn't stop smiling. Knowing that if all goes well I can leave these 12 hours of treatments every week behind feels like being released from heavy chains. I know it may seem silly...but I haven't had a free Saturday in almost 2 years because of my treatment schedule. I haven't been able to get in lakes, oceans, or pools to play with my kids because of my cath. I've fought and felt the crush of anemia, one of the big side effects of kidney failure, on a daily basis. This will hopefully be the last day I'll feel any of that.

This is the last day before my transplant. The last day before someone literally gives of herself to help make me whole again. The last day to worry about a restrictive diet. The last day. That alone is making me smile as I type it...

Now, I didn't mean this post to sound like I was complaining about all of this. I just wanted to give you a little look into what it's been like. I keep most of this to myself because, frankly, it's kinda depressing...but I share it so you can share in the joy of my last day. It reminds of the the day between Good Friday and Easter. Christ has been crucified...but Sunday's coming. Things seems to be low and hopeless...but the hope for all time and all nations is just around the corner. People then didn't know...and therefore didn't rejoice in the last day. We know how the story ends, so we can take great heart in the sadness of that last day. I know how my story ends...so I can do the same in this post today.

Some of you reading this may have just been following my journey for a while...but I'm guessing most of you have been part of my life for a long time. Your thoughts, comments, prayers and support have meant the world to me, and I just wanted to bring you along with me on my last day.

Here's hoping if you're in the midst of a "first day" situation in your life...remember the last day is coming...maybe not in your time...but always in His time. God is good...all the time...and it's in His hands.

(I'll have a post tomorrow morning, then I'll be out for the day for the surgery. To keep up with updates of the day from my wife, follow my Twitter at @robsrandom or in the upper right of this blog. You will need to refresh or reload to update the feed. Thanks!)

Update From The Circle City....

Well, it's early Monday morning here in Indianapolis. My wife is still sleeping...but I couldn't, so here I am updating here. We came down last night, had a great dinner date together at her favorite restaurant, and just unwound back at our room. (I should've gone to the NCAA Women's Final Four...the Irish pulled a huge upset over UConn!)

Today is a pretty busy day for me. I've got some testing to do at the hospital this morning, then my final dialysis treatment! (Hopefully...) As I watched the countdown timer rolling by as I logged into here today, it really doesn't seem real yet. Maybe when I get to the hospital and start doing things that indicate that this really is going to happen. A friend of mine, Rachel, told me that walking through something like this requires us to just have faith. Faith in God, the doctors, the procedures, and all the rest. My donor, Shelley, blogged about just that here.

Honestly? I think I do have some faith...but I'm still scared to death. Not for the surgery, but that something's going to go wrong and it doesn't work, or that something will happen to Shelley when she's in there. I'm going in hoping to be "fixed"....she's going in hoping not to come out broken. It's just alot to process. We had dinner as a family with her family last Sunday, and I spent about an hour talking to her on Friday. If she's not relaxed and ready to do this, then she's an amazing actress. Her peace gave me peace...and every time I feel those fears welling up in me again, I just try to remember that control of this situation is not mine, and take some time to pray and lay those fears and concerns at His feet.

I must say this: I'm overwhelmed at the outpouring of support for both Shelley and I and our families. From friends and family coming down here to support and visit us, to the many cards of encouragement (some from people I've never met), to the many churches that have us on their prayer lists, to the seemingly unending line of well-wishers I saw at church, work, and around town...it has just blown me away. Their honest and heartfelt words touched me, but none more so than the words "I'm praying for you."

Those 4 words mean alot to me. I know sometimes we say them, and then never give that prayer a second thought...but I didn't feel that way this time. I really feel the prayers of many being lifted on on the behalf of me and my family, and Shelley and her family...and it really helps. I feel the power of being prayed for personally by family and some friends before I left. Those moments really encouraged me, to actually hear others lifting us up...it's quite humbling to know how much people care about you...and I don't take that lightly. God has blessed me with some very special people in my life...and they are making this much easier than it could have been.

The last eight or nine months have been the hardest of my life, mostly by my own doing. It's been a long journey, but much good has come from the restoration and healing. I'm looking forward to ending this chapter of my life, and having a new beginning Wednesday afternoon, thanks to the generous gift of a friend.

So, for those of you praying for us....thank you so much.

(For those of you who wish to follow my walk through the day of surgery, my wife will be updating my twitter feed...you can see it in the top right of this page...just refresh occasionally or reload it to update it, or you can find me on twitter directly at @robsrandom.)

I'll be back again tomorrow, and I'll have a post ready to go up Wednesday morning before I go in...from there, the next will be after I'm not looped anymore from the pain meds. (If you think this stuff is random now...imagine what it would be like on that.)

Here's hoping you remember someone, somewhere is praying for you today.